Revelations and Goodbyes

 

It was a weirdly emotional weekend in the Prater household. 

I have been trying to think through and wrestle with some really compelling and life changing lessons/ revelations of life, love, and godliness that have come to me lately through different venues.  I have had that feeling that God is trying to tell me something big.  Unfortunately, he never tells things all at once, it is always this big long process of learning and growing and yada yada yada : )

Me, being the inpatient one with a slightly obsessive personality would NOT let it go. 

Bless Kurt’s heart. 

I am an English major.  All I do all day every day is read, than discuss. How do I feel about that novel or what do I think about the point the author is trying to get across?  Therefore, in order to think and process information I have been conditioned to discuss, question, and discuss some more.

Come to find out my man, a physical education major, is wired entirely differently. 

Me: “Hey baby, what do you think about what David Platt is saying in this chapter of Radical?”    

Kurt: “Um, its good.”

Me: “What do you like about it?”

Kurt: “I dunno, I just like it.”

I also learned the other day from a friend about men and their “nothing box.”  They can literally think about nothing.  I cannot even comprehend that!

These differences in communication are in no way a bad thing!  I love Kurt for his simplicity and content nature.  It just amazes me how differently we can be!  

It, however, does pose a problem at times like this weekend when I am trying to process information.  This made for some fun, “heated discussions” about communication.  : ) Now,  I finally think we are making progress with understanding both sides.  We need each others differences to balance us out.  Yes Kurt needs to let me in on a little bit of his feelings so I don’t go completely crazy, but more than that I need to take a cue from him.  I need to just be still, trust God, and stop trying so hard. 

Also, this weekend our sweet friends Logan and Lindsey, have made a decision to follow God’s calling for them in a different city and state.  We could not be happier for them, but it finally became real as they made the official announcement to the church this morning. I was a mess.  But I eagerly look forward to watching how God works through their family to bring his kingdom to earth and set the oppressed free!     

After this weird emotional but wonderful weekend I am thankful for:

• God’s perfect plans and timing
• A sweet patient husband
• Deep talk time
• Our differences of personality that keep us on our toes
• Eternal soul friendships that God has blessed our life with  
• Friends that are open and willing to go where God calls, even if it is hard
• Getting to watch God work powerfully in the body of the Church

Rest

Do you ever have those days or weeks....or months when it seems like all you ever do is the dishes, the laundry, cleaning, and, in my case, homework just in time to do it all over again?  Well it is only a couple weeks into the semester and I am already starting to have that feeling---and I don't even have kids yet!  

When I feel this way instead of looking where I should, I look to my man thinking "well if he would help with this...why didn't he put that pan up...can he not see those crumbs on the counter...can he not wipe the griddle off after he uses it..."  Yea it gets UGLY : )  These dreaded thoughts came to a head last night. 

 After two days of being sick I came home from class exhausted and ready to take my medicine and relax.  I walk in the door and heaven forbid he did not put his pan up that he made his french fries on (I hope you can hear the sarcasm in my voice)! : P.  I proceeded to give him the distant vibe until he asked what was wrong.  Knowing it was utterly stupid and I would regret it later I spilled it all out thinking that would relieve some itch inside me and give me peace.  Well it didn't.  

The next morning I sat down for some one on one God time that I had failed to have for the two days that I was sick.  The previous night was bothering me, because I knew I was being silly, and I had a hard time concentrating on Joshua who defeated this nation and then that nation, by this point it was all running together (I love Joshua but my mood that morning did not)  I got through a chapter put my bible down and just sat and let God's spirit poor over me like rain on a cracked and parched desert.  I had only spent two days away from Him yet I wanted to do nothing but drink Him in.  I am rambling to him about the previous night when it hit me like a ton of bricks.  

I have prayed time after time for God to help me keep Him first in my life and in our marriage.  I honestly thought it was a stupid prayer.  Would it not make him mad that I needed HIS help just to keep HIM first.  In this moment of quiet time I realized He was answering that prayer right before my eyes.  I had not spent two days with my maker, creator, and lover of my soul.  I was not keeping him first even while I was doing nothing more than laying around sick (I was probably to busy feeling sorry for myself).  As a result he planted an itch deep inside me that no one but He could relieve.  I tried to take it out on Kurt and wanted him to be able to fix it, through helping me with chores of all things.  When the inevitable happened and Kurt could not fix it I became needlessly frustrated and distant with him.  Only rest in God cured the itch that He placed within me.  That is not accident and I am SO thankful for it.  I, strive as I might, am not going to find peace in my marriage before I am at peace and communion with my Maker.  I would not have it any other way!  Does that mean I no longer have the everyday grunge work? No!  But I have the cleansing water of the Spirit that runs over me bringing peace to the weary. 

The way I see it,  if me and God ain't right me and my man ain't right. ; )        .   

P.S. Apologies to my man for picking on him during this post to make my point!  He is a good sport and a wonderful husband who is very patient with his roller coaster of a wife : )