Rest

Do you ever have those days or weeks....or months when it seems like all you ever do is the dishes, the laundry, cleaning, and, in my case, homework just in time to do it all over again?  Well it is only a couple weeks into the semester and I am already starting to have that feeling---and I don't even have kids yet!  

When I feel this way instead of looking where I should, I look to my man thinking "well if he would help with this...why didn't he put that pan up...can he not see those crumbs on the counter...can he not wipe the griddle off after he uses it..."  Yea it gets UGLY : )  These dreaded thoughts came to a head last night. 

 After two days of being sick I came home from class exhausted and ready to take my medicine and relax.  I walk in the door and heaven forbid he did not put his pan up that he made his french fries on (I hope you can hear the sarcasm in my voice)! : P.  I proceeded to give him the distant vibe until he asked what was wrong.  Knowing it was utterly stupid and I would regret it later I spilled it all out thinking that would relieve some itch inside me and give me peace.  Well it didn't.  

The next morning I sat down for some one on one God time that I had failed to have for the two days that I was sick.  The previous night was bothering me, because I knew I was being silly, and I had a hard time concentrating on Joshua who defeated this nation and then that nation, by this point it was all running together (I love Joshua but my mood that morning did not)  I got through a chapter put my bible down and just sat and let God's spirit poor over me like rain on a cracked and parched desert.  I had only spent two days away from Him yet I wanted to do nothing but drink Him in.  I am rambling to him about the previous night when it hit me like a ton of bricks.  

I have prayed time after time for God to help me keep Him first in my life and in our marriage.  I honestly thought it was a stupid prayer.  Would it not make him mad that I needed HIS help just to keep HIM first.  In this moment of quiet time I realized He was answering that prayer right before my eyes.  I had not spent two days with my maker, creator, and lover of my soul.  I was not keeping him first even while I was doing nothing more than laying around sick (I was probably to busy feeling sorry for myself).  As a result he planted an itch deep inside me that no one but He could relieve.  I tried to take it out on Kurt and wanted him to be able to fix it, through helping me with chores of all things.  When the inevitable happened and Kurt could not fix it I became needlessly frustrated and distant with him.  Only rest in God cured the itch that He placed within me.  That is not accident and I am SO thankful for it.  I, strive as I might, am not going to find peace in my marriage before I am at peace and communion with my Maker.  I would not have it any other way!  Does that mean I no longer have the everyday grunge work? No!  But I have the cleansing water of the Spirit that runs over me bringing peace to the weary. 

The way I see it,  if me and God ain't right me and my man ain't right. ; )        .   

P.S. Apologies to my man for picking on him during this post to make my point!  He is a good sport and a wonderful husband who is very patient with his roller coaster of a wife : )  

Gulf Coast Getaway 2011!

If you have no idea what Gulf Coast is click this


My forth year at Gulf Coast was absolutely amazing!  ...And now I have a ton to sort through and think about.  Before I begin my reflecting I will preface with, I am about to graduate and I am freaking out!  Allow me to explain.  I don't like being constrained.  Example: My senior year of high school we took surveys on the computer to help us decide on a major.  After I went through answering all the bogus questions like, "Do you like reading? Never Sometimes Always?"  My result page said, "Laura, your results were so broad we could not narrow down any majors for you."  I'm thinking, "Whats that supposed to mean?  Out of all those questions there was not one thing that I liked more than another?!."  My point is, I like doing so many different things I freak out at the thought of doing only one thing for the rest of my life.  Call me flighty if you want, but I prefer, "free spirit" ; )


So, here I am, approaching graduation, feeling all of these doors close down around me (mind you, I slept like a baby with out a care the night before my wedding.  If that did not phase me why is this?!) sitting at a campus ministry conference where the theme is HOLOS: re-imagining campus ministry.  This really means re-imagining life.  Dr. Randy Harris, whom I love and dearly respect is the speaker, and does he ever has some things to say to me.


To not bore you with all the nitty gritty details I will cut to the chase and get to the part that I have not been able to let go of all weekend.  It was a breakout class that Dr. Harris gave.  It was simple.  Five words of advise from Randy Harris.


1. Wonderment- Go the rest of your life asking questions and don't stop a questions short of the answer you are looking for. 
2. Imagination- There is no script written for you, STOP ACTING LIKE THERE IS!  Take a minute and dream about what you would do for Jesus, with your life, if there were no fears or limitations to hold you back......................................................................................................
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OK, now what are you waiting for?!?! And don't even get Dr. Harris started on the meaning of the word impossible. 
3. Discipline- We TRY to hard and TRAIN to little.  We have the passion to show Jesus to the world but do we have the discipline to truly make those dreams happen?   
4. Disconnect- Technology is not the answer to my spiritual ills and I need to learn how to turn it off because there is a real God who WANTS a relationship with me, and real, lost people that NEED a relationship with me.
5. Covenantal Community- Means being committed to a group of fellow believers giving each other permission to speak the truth of the gospel into each others lives.  Basically having unlimited liability for one another.  And unconditionally loving them!  Wow that is commitment, it is hard enough doing that with my man, much less a group of people (its really not that difficult with him, but you get my point).


"Anything without this is mundane."  Those are the words that Randy closed with.  Blah, mundane, who wants that?   


All of this spoke to me in a huge way, but the word that got to me above all others was IMAGINATION.  Being the English education major that I am, I love to read.  I get the word imagination, I love the word imagination, I breath the word imagination on my students; which is why I was so appalled that of all these words I was not getting this one in my own life!  Just like I told you pause and dream for a minute, so did Dr. Harris with us.  I dreamed of two things, neither of which was the main part of my great "plan" for life.  This pestered me and weighed on my heart the rest of the weekend and even now.  If I know that nothing is impossible with God why am I not living with more imagination?

Turning over a new leaf

I started something new on January 1st that I am very excited about.  I occasionally get read Beth Moore's blog on days that I have some free time or need an extra pick me up.  I kept seeing things about the Siesta Scripture Memory Team, otherwise known as SSMT, sporadically on the blog.  I got my answer to what this is in December when she was gearing up to get started again.  Beth and who ever wants to join her commits to memorizing two verses a month, starting a new one every the first and fifteenth.  On these two dates you post your name, where you are from, and the verse you are memorizing.  I do understand that one could easily do this on her own.  However, number one I need the accountability and number two, what could be more encouraging than going to a blog and scrolling through hundreds of scriptures that are being written on the hearts of fellow sisters.  

I have not done this since 5th grade and that was only because of the pushing and prodding of my parents and today I could not be more excited about it.  The first scripture I chose is 2 Peter 1:3-4 

"His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through our knowledge of him who has called us by his own glory and goodness.  Through these he has given us his very great and precious promises so that through them you may participate in the divine nature and escape the corruption of the world caused by evil desires."

This was a tad long but I came across it in a study I have been doing and simply could not resist it.  Having reached my senior year of college I often become fairly freaked out by what lies beyond this.  I worry that I don't have it all together or all figured out.  I am constantly asking myself, "will I even be good at this thing that I have gone to school for four years to do?  Will I enjoy it?  What if I still do not have the knowledge or information I need to perform well?"  The list goes on and on.  Contrary to this things that Satan wants me to fill my mind with, I do have everything I need, not because of me, (thankfully) but through the divine power of God who has called me. 

Writing this on my heart and meditating on it everyday helps me to retrain my mind.  Instead of a downward spiral of self doubt and negativity I am enlightened by the peaceful yoke of Jesus.  If you have not made scripture memorization a habit I encourage you to join me this year!