Do you ever have those days or weeks....or months when it seems like all you ever do is the dishes, the laundry, cleaning, and, in my case, homework just in time to do it all over again? Well it is only a couple weeks into the semester and I am already starting to have that feeling---and I don't even have kids yet!
When I feel this way instead of looking where I should, I look to my man thinking "well if he would help with this...why didn't he put that pan up...can he not see those crumbs on the counter...can he not wipe the griddle off after he uses it..." Yea it gets UGLY : ) These dreaded thoughts came to a head last night.
After two days of being sick I came home from class exhausted and ready to take my medicine and relax. I walk in the door and heaven forbid he did not put his pan up that he made his french fries on (I hope you can hear the sarcasm in my voice)! : P. I proceeded to give him the distant vibe until he asked what was wrong. Knowing it was utterly stupid and I would regret it later I spilled it all out thinking that would relieve some itch inside me and give me peace. Well it didn't.
The next morning I sat down for some one on one God time that I had failed to have for the two days that I was sick. The previous night was bothering me, because I knew I was being silly, and I had a hard time concentrating on Joshua who defeated this nation and then that nation, by this point it was all running together (I love Joshua but my mood that morning did not) I got through a chapter put my bible down and just sat and let God's spirit poor over me like rain on a cracked and parched desert. I had only spent two days away from Him yet I wanted to do nothing but drink Him in. I am rambling to him about the previous night when it hit me like a ton of bricks.
I have prayed time after time for God to help me keep Him first in my life and in our marriage. I honestly thought it was a stupid prayer. Would it not make him mad that I needed HIS help just to keep HIM first. In this moment of quiet time I realized He was answering that prayer right before my eyes. I had not spent two days with my maker, creator, and lover of my soul. I was not keeping him first even while I was doing nothing more than laying around sick (I was probably to busy feeling sorry for myself). As a result he planted an itch deep inside me that no one but He could relieve. I tried to take it out on Kurt and wanted him to be able to fix it, through helping me with chores of all things. When the inevitable happened and Kurt could not fix it I became needlessly frustrated and distant with him. Only rest in God cured the itch that He placed within me. That is not accident and I am SO thankful for it. I, strive as I might, am not going to find peace in my marriage before I am at peace and communion with my Maker. I would not have it any other way! Does that mean I no longer have the everyday grunge work? No! But I have the cleansing water of the Spirit that runs over me bringing peace to the weary.
The way I see it, if me and God ain't right me and my man ain't right. ; ) .
P.S. Apologies to my man for picking on him during this post to make my point! He is a good sport and a wonderful husband who is very patient with his roller coaster of a wife : )