Rest

Do you ever have those days or weeks....or months when it seems like all you ever do is the dishes, the laundry, cleaning, and, in my case, homework just in time to do it all over again?  Well it is only a couple weeks into the semester and I am already starting to have that feeling---and I don't even have kids yet!  

When I feel this way instead of looking where I should, I look to my man thinking "well if he would help with this...why didn't he put that pan up...can he not see those crumbs on the counter...can he not wipe the griddle off after he uses it..."  Yea it gets UGLY : )  These dreaded thoughts came to a head last night. 

 After two days of being sick I came home from class exhausted and ready to take my medicine and relax.  I walk in the door and heaven forbid he did not put his pan up that he made his french fries on (I hope you can hear the sarcasm in my voice)! : P.  I proceeded to give him the distant vibe until he asked what was wrong.  Knowing it was utterly stupid and I would regret it later I spilled it all out thinking that would relieve some itch inside me and give me peace.  Well it didn't.  

The next morning I sat down for some one on one God time that I had failed to have for the two days that I was sick.  The previous night was bothering me, because I knew I was being silly, and I had a hard time concentrating on Joshua who defeated this nation and then that nation, by this point it was all running together (I love Joshua but my mood that morning did not)  I got through a chapter put my bible down and just sat and let God's spirit poor over me like rain on a cracked and parched desert.  I had only spent two days away from Him yet I wanted to do nothing but drink Him in.  I am rambling to him about the previous night when it hit me like a ton of bricks.  

I have prayed time after time for God to help me keep Him first in my life and in our marriage.  I honestly thought it was a stupid prayer.  Would it not make him mad that I needed HIS help just to keep HIM first.  In this moment of quiet time I realized He was answering that prayer right before my eyes.  I had not spent two days with my maker, creator, and lover of my soul.  I was not keeping him first even while I was doing nothing more than laying around sick (I was probably to busy feeling sorry for myself).  As a result he planted an itch deep inside me that no one but He could relieve.  I tried to take it out on Kurt and wanted him to be able to fix it, through helping me with chores of all things.  When the inevitable happened and Kurt could not fix it I became needlessly frustrated and distant with him.  Only rest in God cured the itch that He placed within me.  That is not accident and I am SO thankful for it.  I, strive as I might, am not going to find peace in my marriage before I am at peace and communion with my Maker.  I would not have it any other way!  Does that mean I no longer have the everyday grunge work? No!  But I have the cleansing water of the Spirit that runs over me bringing peace to the weary. 

The way I see it,  if me and God ain't right me and my man ain't right. ; )        .   

P.S. Apologies to my man for picking on him during this post to make my point!  He is a good sport and a wonderful husband who is very patient with his roller coaster of a wife : )  

Gulf Coast Getaway 2011!

If you have no idea what Gulf Coast is click this


My forth year at Gulf Coast was absolutely amazing!  ...And now I have a ton to sort through and think about.  Before I begin my reflecting I will preface with, I am about to graduate and I am freaking out!  Allow me to explain.  I don't like being constrained.  Example: My senior year of high school we took surveys on the computer to help us decide on a major.  After I went through answering all the bogus questions like, "Do you like reading? Never Sometimes Always?"  My result page said, "Laura, your results were so broad we could not narrow down any majors for you."  I'm thinking, "Whats that supposed to mean?  Out of all those questions there was not one thing that I liked more than another?!."  My point is, I like doing so many different things I freak out at the thought of doing only one thing for the rest of my life.  Call me flighty if you want, but I prefer, "free spirit" ; )


So, here I am, approaching graduation, feeling all of these doors close down around me (mind you, I slept like a baby with out a care the night before my wedding.  If that did not phase me why is this?!) sitting at a campus ministry conference where the theme is HOLOS: re-imagining campus ministry.  This really means re-imagining life.  Dr. Randy Harris, whom I love and dearly respect is the speaker, and does he ever has some things to say to me.


To not bore you with all the nitty gritty details I will cut to the chase and get to the part that I have not been able to let go of all weekend.  It was a breakout class that Dr. Harris gave.  It was simple.  Five words of advise from Randy Harris.


1. Wonderment- Go the rest of your life asking questions and don't stop a questions short of the answer you are looking for. 
2. Imagination- There is no script written for you, STOP ACTING LIKE THERE IS!  Take a minute and dream about what you would do for Jesus, with your life, if there were no fears or limitations to hold you back......................................................................................................
..................................................................................................
.............................................
OK, now what are you waiting for?!?! And don't even get Dr. Harris started on the meaning of the word impossible. 
3. Discipline- We TRY to hard and TRAIN to little.  We have the passion to show Jesus to the world but do we have the discipline to truly make those dreams happen?   
4. Disconnect- Technology is not the answer to my spiritual ills and I need to learn how to turn it off because there is a real God who WANTS a relationship with me, and real, lost people that NEED a relationship with me.
5. Covenantal Community- Means being committed to a group of fellow believers giving each other permission to speak the truth of the gospel into each others lives.  Basically having unlimited liability for one another.  And unconditionally loving them!  Wow that is commitment, it is hard enough doing that with my man, much less a group of people (its really not that difficult with him, but you get my point).


"Anything without this is mundane."  Those are the words that Randy closed with.  Blah, mundane, who wants that?   


All of this spoke to me in a huge way, but the word that got to me above all others was IMAGINATION.  Being the English education major that I am, I love to read.  I get the word imagination, I love the word imagination, I breath the word imagination on my students; which is why I was so appalled that of all these words I was not getting this one in my own life!  Just like I told you pause and dream for a minute, so did Dr. Harris with us.  I dreamed of two things, neither of which was the main part of my great "plan" for life.  This pestered me and weighed on my heart the rest of the weekend and even now.  If I know that nothing is impossible with God why am I not living with more imagination?

Turning over a new leaf

I started something new on January 1st that I am very excited about.  I occasionally get read Beth Moore's blog on days that I have some free time or need an extra pick me up.  I kept seeing things about the Siesta Scripture Memory Team, otherwise known as SSMT, sporadically on the blog.  I got my answer to what this is in December when she was gearing up to get started again.  Beth and who ever wants to join her commits to memorizing two verses a month, starting a new one every the first and fifteenth.  On these two dates you post your name, where you are from, and the verse you are memorizing.  I do understand that one could easily do this on her own.  However, number one I need the accountability and number two, what could be more encouraging than going to a blog and scrolling through hundreds of scriptures that are being written on the hearts of fellow sisters.  

I have not done this since 5th grade and that was only because of the pushing and prodding of my parents and today I could not be more excited about it.  The first scripture I chose is 2 Peter 1:3-4 

"His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through our knowledge of him who has called us by his own glory and goodness.  Through these he has given us his very great and precious promises so that through them you may participate in the divine nature and escape the corruption of the world caused by evil desires."

This was a tad long but I came across it in a study I have been doing and simply could not resist it.  Having reached my senior year of college I often become fairly freaked out by what lies beyond this.  I worry that I don't have it all together or all figured out.  I am constantly asking myself, "will I even be good at this thing that I have gone to school for four years to do?  Will I enjoy it?  What if I still do not have the knowledge or information I need to perform well?"  The list goes on and on.  Contrary to this things that Satan wants me to fill my mind with, I do have everything I need, not because of me, (thankfully) but through the divine power of God who has called me. 

Writing this on my heart and meditating on it everyday helps me to retrain my mind.  Instead of a downward spiral of self doubt and negativity I am enlightened by the peaceful yoke of Jesus.  If you have not made scripture memorization a habit I encourage you to join me this year!    
 

White Christmas

Christmas was wonderful!!!  We woke up to a blanket of snow covering everything.  There is really nothing like waking up to a surprise snow on Christmas morning.  The decorations were perfect, the food was perfect, the presents were perfect, but most of all the people were perfect.  Not because we as a family are perfect, but because we are perfect through the grace of Christ.  Because of him we are as white as the snow that was falling outside.  After the presents were opened and the food was eaten it was the love of family, having all things in common through Christ, that truly warmed my heart.


The Lord has healed and kept my family united through many rough battles and circumstances.  We have two new additions, of which, we could not be more thankful for in my husband and my sister's husband.  We are a work in progress but I can see the hand prints of God all over us molding and shaping us as he so desires. 


I also see the Lord working on Kurt's side of the family.  Specifically in the life of his older brother Shane. Earlier in December Kurt and I got a phone call from his parents informing us that Shane had been in a really bad car accident in Montgomery and is on a ventilator.  To make it short Shane was driving on 231 from Wetumpka to the Air force base in Montgomery for drill when a Dually Truck crossed over into his lane and hit him head on.  There are no break marks to show that either car slowed down.  Both cars managed to hit each others passengers side (there were not passenger's in either car) giving both drivers enough room to survive the crash.  Shane came out with a concussion, shattered femur, and possibly damaged tendons in his knee.  We are so blessed to have him with us this Christmas and all the praise and credit goes to the Lord who despite the painful road to recovery is going to do great works through him. 


I think about the hope the Lord has given to both of our families throughout the various seasons of life and remember where this hope started out.  It came to us as a baby in a manger, as the reason for Christmas.  So, what better way to be able to celebrate Christmas than with the evidence of that wonderful gift surrounding me!  I don't think it could get much better than that and I am so thankful and blessed. 

Merry Christmas and a Happy New year!!!  I pray the Lord does a mighty work in your life and blesses you in the coming year!

         

Great Love

 "We can do no great things; only small things with great love." 


This quote from Mother Teresa is one of my favorite all time quotes.  For one thing it is short, to the point, and easy to remember.  For another thing it speaks directly to me.  I feel like she is my mama giving me a talking to because she knows exactly what I am thinking. 


I am a big picture person.  By big picture I mean BIG picture.  I think of these great and wonderful things that I want to do one day: write a book, adopt a child, have this life altering impact on my students, work in women's ministry, get a masters in bible and trust me the list goes on and on and changes frequently along the way ; ) Each time my ideas begin to explode or I begin to feel like an overwhelmed failure because I am not accomplishing any of these great things that I dream up, I hear a gentle whisper that says, "Sweetheart, don't you know? (Can you hear him chuckle a little to himself and shake his head?) You, can do no great things; only small things with great love."  Then I, feeling a bit foolish at this point, am able to slow down and remember that it is not I but God who accomplishes any great things, and it is the small love driven things that truly make a difference in the world.  It is never about what I do, it is about how I love the way Christ loves.  This perspective gives me such great peace and joy, so why do I always forget? 


I think I forget because I am human.  I want to be great.  I have been painfully reminded of this through Beth Moore's study on Esther that I am currently doing.  We have been taking a close look at Haman's (Ironic that his name is one letter away from human) character and unfortunately I can identify.  To get the recognition and honor of the world that I crave, I must do "great" things, as a result that is what I find myself striving for. 


I am not suggesting to accomplish some things on my list of dreams would be a bad thing.  It would be a good thing to adopt a child or write a book, but only if the path that leads me there is paved with the bricks of small things that I am doing for others with GREAT love.

P.S.  I had to edit this and make the font black (I don't know why it won't do it auotmatically).  So I apologize if this shows up twice on your blog feed.

Outdoor therapy

It is truly amazing what some perfect weather, the sweet smell of grass, and a cool soft breeze can do for the mind.  Having lived the apartment life for a few years now I often miss the luxury of a yard.  Your own little outdoor oasis.  I did not realize how much I missed it until today. 

Kurt is the new baseball coach for Hillcrest Middle School.  Now, all you coaches out there know this little fact that I am slowly but surely learning.  The baseball field (or any other sports field for that matter) is your Jewel, your pride and joy.  Its appearance is a direct reflection on you and your team.  A field primed to perfection can intimidate the visiting team, make star players wish they played for you, and even give you a little job security ; )  Therefore, in the midst of basketball season field preparation is underway.  Kurt's Dad, a coach himself, understanding this dire need took his veterans day off and hauled his top of line lawn mower and seed spreader from Brewton to Tuscaloosa.  Kurt was up by 7:30 on his day off to eat breakfast and head up to the field for a day of cutting grass, spreading rye grass, fertilizing the seed,  fixing pitching mounds, moving back stops, and having basketball practice in between.  Of course I came along to help!  This included a lot of following, watching, sitting, and some reading mixed in there.  Oh wait, I did move some bags of seed and ride on the four wheeler with Kurt while he was spreading seed : )

While I do think this is a little amusing I thoroughly enjoyed my day.  I always love being outside.  I love smelling the grass, the clear blue of the sky, the way the breeze feels around me.  I love being outside in the woods, at the lake, at the beach, in a garden, at a park, or on a ball field.  It just always has a way of calming me and clearing my head like nothing else does.  Today was no exception and definitely provided me with some great outdoor therapy after a very frustrating few weeks (more like whole semester) with my methods placement.  I do not think it is any accident that I can feel God's calming peace the most in the presence of his creation.  Thankfully, after years with out a yard of my own it looks like we just acquired a really big one!

I have been a blog neglecting the ol' blog lately. You might be looking at the "Loving God and loving people" title pop up on your blog feed going now who is that again??? The truth is I have absolutely not been able to get my brain to coherently organize thoughts since this semester has started.

News flash: college is all sunshine and roses till your senior year methods semester hits (all you teachers out there know what I am talking about). Its all about this theory and that theory, this method and that method. Then, there is your placement. Can someone say reality check?

I am usually a very positive person. If there is a bright side to something you can be sure I will find it. That said, I left my placement today thinking, "Laura, what in this great big entire world, have you gotten yourself into?!" There really are just those days where I walk away questioning my future career as a teacher.

I felt so negative and put down the rest of the afternoon. But, after feeling sorry for myself for a little while I realized something. I am not doing this alone. I am not doing this by my own power. Whatever good comes from me as a teacher (or in general) is not my work but God's work through me. No matter how overwhelmed and hopeless I might feel in a situation my Lord will never leave me or forsake me. So, instead of whining and feeling sorry for myself, all I have to do is stop trying to drive! Give Him the reigns and he will do mighty works. That realization never gets old. I praise Him for that! This has no doubt been rough semester, but I can feel Him pulling me closer, shaping me, and teaching me. It is funny how tough times will do that!

On a side note, I am doing the Beth Moore Esther study and loving it! I highly recommend it to anyone looking for some encouraging time with God. As He usually does, God has placed this in my lap with the most perfect timing.

Hope y'all are having a wonderful fall! God Bless!

Laura