Revelations and Goodbyes

 

It was a weirdly emotional weekend in the Prater household. 

I have been trying to think through and wrestle with some really compelling and life changing lessons/ revelations of life, love, and godliness that have come to me lately through different venues.  I have had that feeling that God is trying to tell me something big.  Unfortunately, he never tells things all at once, it is always this big long process of learning and growing and yada yada yada : )

Me, being the inpatient one with a slightly obsessive personality would NOT let it go. 

Bless Kurt’s heart. 

I am an English major.  All I do all day every day is read, than discuss. How do I feel about that novel or what do I think about the point the author is trying to get across?  Therefore, in order to think and process information I have been conditioned to discuss, question, and discuss some more.

Come to find out my man, a physical education major, is wired entirely differently. 

Me: “Hey baby, what do you think about what David Platt is saying in this chapter of Radical?”    

Kurt: “Um, its good.”

Me: “What do you like about it?”

Kurt: “I dunno, I just like it.”

I also learned the other day from a friend about men and their “nothing box.”  They can literally think about nothing.  I cannot even comprehend that!

These differences in communication are in no way a bad thing!  I love Kurt for his simplicity and content nature.  It just amazes me how differently we can be!  

It, however, does pose a problem at times like this weekend when I am trying to process information.  This made for some fun, “heated discussions” about communication.  : ) Now,  I finally think we are making progress with understanding both sides.  We need each others differences to balance us out.  Yes Kurt needs to let me in on a little bit of his feelings so I don’t go completely crazy, but more than that I need to take a cue from him.  I need to just be still, trust God, and stop trying so hard. 

Also, this weekend our sweet friends Logan and Lindsey, have made a decision to follow God’s calling for them in a different city and state.  We could not be happier for them, but it finally became real as they made the official announcement to the church this morning. I was a mess.  But I eagerly look forward to watching how God works through their family to bring his kingdom to earth and set the oppressed free!     

After this weird emotional but wonderful weekend I am thankful for:

• God’s perfect plans and timing
• A sweet patient husband
• Deep talk time
• Our differences of personality that keep us on our toes
• Eternal soul friendships that God has blessed our life with  
• Friends that are open and willing to go where God calls, even if it is hard
• Getting to watch God work powerfully in the body of the Church

Haunted

 

This picture was posted on Tesney's blog the other day.  I have been haunted ever since.  Look at it closely.  Let it break through the barriers of your calloused heart like only a picture can. 

What if she was your daughter, your sister, your grand-daughter?

 

Through the blood of Christ,

She is

 

 

I, of 22 years,

Know, no emptiness

Know, no drought

Know, no famine

Know only excess and waste

 

You,

Precious innocent child,

Know only emptiness

Know only drought 

Know only famine

Only the slow pain of life decaying from the inside out. 

 

My biggest problems are not studying for a  test

Yours are life and death

 

“Let the little children come unto me”

Jesus was not too busy

WHY ARE WE?

 

My stomach is full

My pantry is full

My house is full

My life is full

But, the vulture is waiting

He knows my soul is empty and decaying

 

Have mercy on me Father.  Rescue me from a life of meaninglessness: where starving decaying children are cast aside and looked over, for the comforts of our “American Dream”  Align my heart with yours; fill my starving decaying soul with your nourishing perfect Spirit. 

Twenty-Two

Things I am Thankful for on my birthday:

1. Waking up to my man singing Happy Birthday
2. Eating the yummy breakfast that he cooked for me
3. Spending time with him before he goes to work
4. Wonderful parents coming to see me!
5. A cozy, adorable tea/lunch place called Sarabella’s (highly recommend it for all you ladies!)
6. Daddy and Kurt being a good sport about the tea-room (No they did not drink from a cup and saucer, trust me I would have gotten pictures of that!)
7. Time to slow down and visit
8. Yogurt Mountain
9. The beautiful orchid Mom and Dad brought for me (its a cheerful little thing to look at! Pray I keep it alive!)
10. Sunshine!
11. Watching Kurt coach his baseball team in the beautiful weather
12. A new computer (Thanks Mom and Dad!)  My old one’s mother board went out—it was a sad day : (
13. The Bunco Gals and our PJ valentine party!
14. Birthday messages on Face book, texts, and calls from amazing friends! 
15. Going to bed to my man singing Happy Birthday : )
16. SO MUCH MORE.  This list could go on forever but you get the point : )

Unfortunately I do not have any pictures from my actual birthday (haha go figure), but here are some pics from celebrating at home last weekend!

We went out to Shogun and it was delicious  : )

 

Sister and her sweet hubby

 

Ladies and gentlemen, this cake is from Peggy Ann Bakery (all you Huntsville people know what I’m talking about!)  there is NOTHNG like a Peggy Ann cake.  And as you can see I am super excited!

21 was a good year.  My prayer for 22 is to just keep being humbled and molded into the woman God wants me to be.  To continue to see his hand working in the lives of my family and I.  There is no greater joy than to be used for his glory! 

I want more of Him and less of me.

Testing Testing

I got a new computer that has this blog editing tool through windows.  It seems a lot easier to use than the blogger editing tool.  The only thing bothering me, is the background I am typing on is black.  That’s a little weird and I can’t figure out how to change it.  This post is just to see how this works. 

Speak Now

Blog Makeover! 

For the past couple months I have been experimenting with different blog backgrounds and headers to find a combo that I like.  TA DA...here you have it!---You would not believe how long it took this girl to figure out how to make a header and put tabs on my blog.  Miss. technology illiterate over here is holding her own : ) 

As you can see with the new look, I have given the blog a new name.  When I first started trying my hand in the blog world, I had no direction of where I really wanted to go with it.  My posts were random.  And probably will still be.  But finally, God has given me a little hint of direction that I am going to begin taking. 

You might recognize my new slogan from the newly released Taylor Swift CD.  Yes, lets just get this out of the way, I am a big fan!  The name of her latest CD, "Speak Now"  resonated with me.  Two. Simple. Words.  

Originally, I racked my brain to come up with a profoundly symbolic biblical phrase that would get my point across, yet show off my deep knowledge of the bible (HA!).  Nothing felt right.  I kept going back to the phrase on this CD cover that, from what I could tell, had no biblical connection what so over.  Or does it?  

How many times do I let moments pass and do not speak the words of Christ into a thirsty soul?  How many times do I forgo advocating for orphans, widows, sex trafficking, or any thing else because I have too much homework and do not have the time?  How often do I take my own story forgranted or think I am too small and weak to make any real impacts in the world?  How often am I afraid of speaking out truth for fear of what people will think?  Why did I spend years tortured by living with a secret, that had I told someone, I could have gotten help? 

I realized that speaking truth now can radically impact my life and the lives of those around me.  It can raise awareness, bring justice, get help for those in need, glorify Christ, encourage, reach, teach, influence, and SO MUCH MORE!  

I am done sitting in silence while watching a world fall to darkness before me.  I will SPEAK NOW and proclaim the truth and glory of my King with out shame.  Will you?  I invite you to come with me on this messy journey.  I don't have a clue where it will lead, but isn't that the fun?              

Rest

Do you ever have those days or weeks....or months when it seems like all you ever do is the dishes, the laundry, cleaning, and, in my case, homework just in time to do it all over again?  Well it is only a couple weeks into the semester and I am already starting to have that feeling---and I don't even have kids yet!  

When I feel this way instead of looking where I should, I look to my man thinking "well if he would help with this...why didn't he put that pan up...can he not see those crumbs on the counter...can he not wipe the griddle off after he uses it..."  Yea it gets UGLY : )  These dreaded thoughts came to a head last night. 

 After two days of being sick I came home from class exhausted and ready to take my medicine and relax.  I walk in the door and heaven forbid he did not put his pan up that he made his french fries on (I hope you can hear the sarcasm in my voice)! : P.  I proceeded to give him the distant vibe until he asked what was wrong.  Knowing it was utterly stupid and I would regret it later I spilled it all out thinking that would relieve some itch inside me and give me peace.  Well it didn't.  

The next morning I sat down for some one on one God time that I had failed to have for the two days that I was sick.  The previous night was bothering me, because I knew I was being silly, and I had a hard time concentrating on Joshua who defeated this nation and then that nation, by this point it was all running together (I love Joshua but my mood that morning did not)  I got through a chapter put my bible down and just sat and let God's spirit poor over me like rain on a cracked and parched desert.  I had only spent two days away from Him yet I wanted to do nothing but drink Him in.  I am rambling to him about the previous night when it hit me like a ton of bricks.  

I have prayed time after time for God to help me keep Him first in my life and in our marriage.  I honestly thought it was a stupid prayer.  Would it not make him mad that I needed HIS help just to keep HIM first.  In this moment of quiet time I realized He was answering that prayer right before my eyes.  I had not spent two days with my maker, creator, and lover of my soul.  I was not keeping him first even while I was doing nothing more than laying around sick (I was probably to busy feeling sorry for myself).  As a result he planted an itch deep inside me that no one but He could relieve.  I tried to take it out on Kurt and wanted him to be able to fix it, through helping me with chores of all things.  When the inevitable happened and Kurt could not fix it I became needlessly frustrated and distant with him.  Only rest in God cured the itch that He placed within me.  That is not accident and I am SO thankful for it.  I, strive as I might, am not going to find peace in my marriage before I am at peace and communion with my Maker.  I would not have it any other way!  Does that mean I no longer have the everyday grunge work? No!  But I have the cleansing water of the Spirit that runs over me bringing peace to the weary. 

The way I see it,  if me and God ain't right me and my man ain't right. ; )        .   

P.S. Apologies to my man for picking on him during this post to make my point!  He is a good sport and a wonderful husband who is very patient with his roller coaster of a wife : )  

Gulf Coast Getaway 2011!

If you have no idea what Gulf Coast is click this


My forth year at Gulf Coast was absolutely amazing!  ...And now I have a ton to sort through and think about.  Before I begin my reflecting I will preface with, I am about to graduate and I am freaking out!  Allow me to explain.  I don't like being constrained.  Example: My senior year of high school we took surveys on the computer to help us decide on a major.  After I went through answering all the bogus questions like, "Do you like reading? Never Sometimes Always?"  My result page said, "Laura, your results were so broad we could not narrow down any majors for you."  I'm thinking, "Whats that supposed to mean?  Out of all those questions there was not one thing that I liked more than another?!."  My point is, I like doing so many different things I freak out at the thought of doing only one thing for the rest of my life.  Call me flighty if you want, but I prefer, "free spirit" ; )


So, here I am, approaching graduation, feeling all of these doors close down around me (mind you, I slept like a baby with out a care the night before my wedding.  If that did not phase me why is this?!) sitting at a campus ministry conference where the theme is HOLOS: re-imagining campus ministry.  This really means re-imagining life.  Dr. Randy Harris, whom I love and dearly respect is the speaker, and does he ever has some things to say to me.


To not bore you with all the nitty gritty details I will cut to the chase and get to the part that I have not been able to let go of all weekend.  It was a breakout class that Dr. Harris gave.  It was simple.  Five words of advise from Randy Harris.


1. Wonderment- Go the rest of your life asking questions and don't stop a questions short of the answer you are looking for. 
2. Imagination- There is no script written for you, STOP ACTING LIKE THERE IS!  Take a minute and dream about what you would do for Jesus, with your life, if there were no fears or limitations to hold you back......................................................................................................
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OK, now what are you waiting for?!?! And don't even get Dr. Harris started on the meaning of the word impossible. 
3. Discipline- We TRY to hard and TRAIN to little.  We have the passion to show Jesus to the world but do we have the discipline to truly make those dreams happen?   
4. Disconnect- Technology is not the answer to my spiritual ills and I need to learn how to turn it off because there is a real God who WANTS a relationship with me, and real, lost people that NEED a relationship with me.
5. Covenantal Community- Means being committed to a group of fellow believers giving each other permission to speak the truth of the gospel into each others lives.  Basically having unlimited liability for one another.  And unconditionally loving them!  Wow that is commitment, it is hard enough doing that with my man, much less a group of people (its really not that difficult with him, but you get my point).


"Anything without this is mundane."  Those are the words that Randy closed with.  Blah, mundane, who wants that?   


All of this spoke to me in a huge way, but the word that got to me above all others was IMAGINATION.  Being the English education major that I am, I love to read.  I get the word imagination, I love the word imagination, I breath the word imagination on my students; which is why I was so appalled that of all these words I was not getting this one in my own life!  Just like I told you pause and dream for a minute, so did Dr. Harris with us.  I dreamed of two things, neither of which was the main part of my great "plan" for life.  This pestered me and weighed on my heart the rest of the weekend and even now.  If I know that nothing is impossible with God why am I not living with more imagination?